The website for funny top ten lists and other satire
Today is Month D, YYYY
9
9
:
9
9
:
9
9
AM
Quote of the Week
Parentage is a very important profession; but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children
George Bernard Shaw
Bible Verse of the Week
Some say it is foolish to fold your hands and do nothing, because you will starve to death. Maybe so, but I say it is better to be content with what little you have. Otherwise, you will always be struggling for more, and that is like chasing the wind
Ecclesiastes 4:5-6 (NCV)
Whimsical Phrase of the Week
When I first started out, being from the South and going to New York or Chicago, people kept telling me to get voice lessons and "lose that stupid accent you've got." And I'm like, "Well, where I come from, you have the stupid accent."
Jeff Foxworthy
Social Media Analytics
6
3
8
9
1
dislikes
5
4
1
3
1
avoids
Help us extend our digital outreach, promote our brand, and maximize our social media footprint. Share our content with anyone you can't stand!
Phonetic Phony
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
October 2026 Anniversary Celebration
Hmm, has it really been four years since we launched the klugness (pronounced "kloog-ness") site? Why yes, our favorite website turns four years old on October 17, 2026.
As we did last year, we've decided to set aside the entire month of October to celebrate this anniversary achievement. As part of that celebration, we'll be making updates to this home page every day during the month of October (i.e., starting on Thursday, October 1 and running through Saturday, October 31). Please check us out daily during October to get a guided tour down memory lane.
What do we have planned, you ask? One example is that our webmaster has used his knowledge of PHP programming to set up a daily "slide show" of selected funny top ten lists from our first four years of online existence. The grouchy dude programmed it all up front so that the "throwback list of the day" changes automatically each day during October 2026—even if the old fart takes a nap and forgets to update it!
As part of the 4th anniversary update, we've added content published during the last year, and rotated many of the highlighted lists from prior years. So, bookmark our site and check back every day during October for the Throwback List of the Day and other unabashed klugness propaganda.
In celebration of making it to this milestone, we've assembled the following summary of feedback we've received this year from our enthusiastic fan base. Thanks to everyone who submitted comments via our secure WeMadeThisUp app!
Never in the field of humorous content was so much written only to be read by so few.
Winston Churchill
I wish MAD Magazine were still producing new content, but you guys aren't half bad.
Alfred E. Neuman
WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS ILLEGAL! YOU'D BE IN BIG TROUBLE IF ANYONE HAD EVER HEARD OF THIS SITE. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
DJT
Maybe someday you'll be homeless too?
David Letterman
Who is this grouchy old dude? He's really piqued my curiosity.
Sydney Sweeney
If I could remember the names of all these particles I'd be a botanist.
Enrico Fermi
Don't listen to Enrico—he's still mad that the neutrino particle he postulated wasn't detected until after his death.
Enrico Fermi's mom
Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong.
Ted Lasso
Ya'll should visit Graceland! I'll leave some guest passes at the visitor center.
Elvis Presley
Son, I've never looked at the website but I'm glad you found something you enjoy. How about a slice of pound cake?
Grandma
Please excuse Juan for being a sheephead.
Epstein's mother's veterinarian
Thanks for your support and encouragement of the klugness website!
Top Ten Unusual Words from Famous Hymns—Part 2
Num
Unusual Word
Hymn Title
Excerpt
Lyrics By
Year
10.)
life-gate
To God Be the Glory
...and opened the life-gate so that all may go in
Fanny J. Crosby
1875
9.)
billows
Count Your Blessings
When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed
Johnson Oatman, Jr.
1897
8.)
Calvary
At Calvary
there my burdened soul found liberty, at Calvary
William R. Newell
1895
7.)
fraught
He Leadeth Me
O words with heavenly comfort fraught
Joseph H. Gilmore
1862
6.)
cleft
Rock of Ages
Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee
Augustus Montague Toplady
1776
5.)
bosoms
Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us
With thy love our bosoms fill
Dorothy A. Thrupp
1836
4.)
waft
Jesus Saves!
Waft it on the rolling tide, Jesus saves! Jesus saves!
Priscilla Jane Owens
1882
3.)
manifold
Great Is Thy Faithfulness
Join with all nature in manifold witness
Thomas O. Chisholm
1923
2.)
dross
How Firm a Foundation
I only design thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine
This image of "a traditional Christian worship service" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.
Welcome to klugness.com!
The U.S. website www.klugness.com was launched in October 2022 with over 100 funny top ten lists, and has since increased that number to over 200. The klugness site doesn't include jokes in the traditional sense, but is dedicated to humor using a David Letterman-style top ten list format. A portion of the content focuses on American politics, with the site generally leaning left, while the rest is garden-variety humor ala MAD magazine. We hope you enjoy the site!
This image of "two eight year old boys arguing over who has the biggest tortoise" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page. This image appears on List 267 - Top Ten Origins of the Trump-Musk Feud.
This home page shows the most recent top ten list. Please check out the full archive of funny top ten lists on klugness.com at All Top Ten Lists. Note these lists were created up to seven years ago, even though the klugness site itself is three years old (we'll be four years old on October 17). The archive page also includes a "List Sampler" table of 18 selected funny top ten lists that will give you a sense of our content without having to tackle all 200+ funny top ten lists. Beneath the "List Sampler" is information about the pictures we've been adding to the site since the beginning of 2023. The pictures are generated using a combination of artificial intelligence and traditional means.
Getting back to the funny top ten lists, we offer a couple of targeted subsets that focus on particular themes. For example, the Trump-Themed Lists are critical of President Trump, so you won't like them if you're a Trump aficionado.
Another theme is the clever May 2020 Now vs. Then series, which consists of 10 funny top ten lists that compare and contrast the initial coronavirus times to historical times in an amusing way (e.g., "stay at home" vs. "rock and roll all nite"). That early pandemic theme was created in 2000, but it feels sooo ancient! Based on viewership of these pages, it appears that most folks are loathe to revisit that challenging period, and we don't blame you!
Note that the Trump-themed and Now vs. Then lists are also included on the All Top Ten Lists archive (i.e., these themed lists are a subset of the full archive), so if you looked at the full archive, you won't find any new material on the themed lists. This handy bit of intell could free up more time for you to gaze at your phone, guess which Trump cabinet member will be fired next, or wonder how much longer the "maybe two weeks, maybe three" war will last.
This image of "an upset 16 year old girl driving down the street" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.
We've decided to open up a new theme that's not one of the ones included on "all top ten lists." During October 2026 we'll be publishing at least three lists in the new Dueling Songs theme. This theme involves comparing characteristics (lyrics, themes, music) of two songs in the form of a top ten list. We wrote our inaugural Dueling Songs list about five years ago; however, rather than publish it, we let it percolate for years and years to see if it would blossom into a full-blown theme. It has not done so, but we've decided to publish it anyway. By publishing it, we run the risk that few people will want to read it, but what else is new? Anyway, we've got three "Dueling Songs" lists queued up for publication during the month of October 2026 in celebration of the klugness site's fourth anniversary. Our first comparo involves two angsty songs that were released over 45 years apart. Woah! The second comparo involves a mystery wind instrument, and the third involves a strange combination of boredom and excitement. Stay tuned!
For general information about klugness.com (including frequently asked questions, privacy policy, how to pronounce "klugness," etc.), use the following link: About.
If over 200 top ten lists is too much to handle all at once, another alternative is to check out a few samples of recent top ten lists:
If you spot anything amiss with the klugness site (formatting, content, functionality, etc.) or have other feedback, please drop us a note at helloKitty. We appreciate your input.
Thanks for visiting klugness.com, and please check back periodically for new content!
Throwback List of the Day
About the Throwback
As part of our celebration of the fourth anniversary of the launch of the klugness website (October 17, 2026), we are highlighting selected funny top ten lists from among the 200+ lists that we've published to date.
Each day during October we will display a different top ten list as the Throwback List of the Day. (The list changes at midnight New York time.) We believe these lists are representative of the breadth of our work and are better than our average list, but your mileage may vary.
The throwback list will appear each day in this section, immediately underneath the current top ten list on our home page.
Note that some of these throwback lists were written prior to the date the site was launched (i.e., prior to October 17, 2022, and as far back as 2019). We've generally included content from throughout our history.
If you feel we've excluded a list that you think is particularly good, please drop us a note so that we can take into account your feedback when we develop next year's anniversary celebration lists.
Please celebrate the klugness site's anniversary with us by visiting this home page each day during October to view the Throwback List of the Day.
Today's Throwback List: List 156 Date Written: 05/17/2023
Top Ten Satirical Questions on Kim Kardashian's Baby Bar Exam
Num
Satirical Baby Bar Exam Question
Satirical Kim Kardashian Response
10.)
In the context of court testimony, what is "hearsay"?
Hearsay is when you, like, hear what your sisters are saying but you don’t, like, totally pay attention
9.)
What does it mean for preliminary evidence to "lack proper foundation"?
That’s if the witness didn’t like do a good job of, like, applying their makeup
8.)
A “moot point” is what type of statement?
A statement made by a person who can’t, like, hear
7.)
A person who makes a false statement while under oath has committed what?
Plastic surgery?
6.)
In a court proceeding, “objection—nonresponsive” means that the witness what?
Um, like passed out or whatever?
5.)
What is a "subpoena"?
It’s like when a male plaintiff’s, um, manhood is, you know, of below average size...awkward!!!
4.)
Proof “beyond a reasonable doubt” is not required in civil cases; it’s only required in what type of cases?
Um...lipstick cases?
3.)
The “burden of proof” in a court proceeding lies with the what?
Oh, the persecution!!!
2.)
Ordinary witnesses in court proceedings are not permitted to express opinions or draw what?
Draw pictures?
1.)
What is "bail"?
Bail is when you, like, can’t pass the bar exam and have to, like, give up on your dream of becoming a lawyer
This image of "a woman making an opening statement in a courtroom" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.
Throwback lists have been selected for special treatment based on subjective considerations, including wingspan, hair color, and shoe size. Viewers may form their own opinions on whether the selected lists are of higher quality than the lists that were not selected for special treatment. In particular, viewers may adopt alternative points of view such as: (1) they all suck, (2) who cares?, and (3) meh. Selected lists do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this network, Elon Musk, or your mama. Blah blah blah express written permission yada yada yada professional driver on closed course lorem ipsum dolor investments may lose value. Note that the throwback list shown above is an excerpt that does not include the "Commentary" box—to view the entire original page, use the pressable links in the table below.
