Top Ten Fantasies Regarding the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool

I've upgraded it like you wouldn't believe
Repairs will take about two weeks
The liner could last 100 years
As you know, we have video evidence of antifa cutting the liner with a unicorn horn
We've caught the people responsible, and I've asked Todd Blanche to boil them in beezlenut oil
I've just been informed by the National Park Service that Hunter Biden caused the damage to the liner using his laptop. As evidence, here's a dick pic
Come to find out it was James Comey. He used seashells to cut the liner
Professor Plum did it in the conservatory with a lead pipe
I've just been told it was an attack by the Islamic Republic of Japan, and they used chopsticks made from sharpened metal
Joe Biden did it using his autopen

Posted August 16, 2026

Commentary

This funny top ten list pokes fun at President Trump's blustery boasting about the results of his Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool renovation and his subsequent efforts to deflect blame onto vandals that he concocted after the project turned into a fiasco. Hey, if he can convince a third of the country that the 2020 election was stolen, maybe he can convince the same dullards that antifa is responsible for the algae and peeling paint in the reflecting pool? Ha!

A few of the items are based on braggadocious things that Trump has said regarding the reflecting pool project (items 10 to 8). The other items are generally riffs on who might have sabotaged the project, how they did it, and what their punishment might be.

The list of dastardly vandals includes the usual suspects: antifa, Joe Biden, James Comey, and Hunter Biden (for old time's sake). Other themes include "things that don't exist" (the unicorn horn of item 7) and a throwback reference to Dr. Seuss's Horton Hears a Who (item 6). For funsies we included a callout to the murder mystery board game Clue, the object of which is to identify the culprit, murder weapon and location of a crime (item 3).

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This image of "a guy with lots of tattoos holding a unicorn horn in his hand in a shallow pool" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.