Top Ten Ways to Divert Attention from the Epstein Files

Today is Month D, YYYY

Quote of the Week

Self pity dries up our sympathy for others

Mason Cooley

Bible Verse of the Week

The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow

Ecclesiastes 1:18 (NLT)

Whimsical Phrase of the Week

Here's a picture of me with REM. That's me in the corner

Milton Jones

Social Media Analytics

dislikes

avoids

Help us extend our digital outreach, promote our brand, and maximize our social media footprint. Share our content with anyone you can't stand!

Peremptory Fatigue

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.

Top Ten Ways to Divert Attention from the Epstein Files

Fire Jerome Powell and have him perp-walked out of the building in his underwear
Pressure company management to reinstate cocaine into the Coke formula
Make up fanciful stories about the Unabomber being a student in your smart uncle's M.I.T. class
Ask Melania to deliberately feign a wardrobe malfunction, then brashly blame it on the Democrat who designed the clothing
Rename the Mississippi River after a confederate general
Deport Sonia Sotomayor and fill her vacated Supreme Court seat with Emil Bove
Accuse the contractor who paved over the White House rose garden of using "trans" asphalt
Move the planned UFC event at the White House from 2026 to next week
Order Marco Rubio to don a chicken costume and cluck around the White House lawn
Release shocking footage of Comey, Obama, and Biden at a Haitian barbecue

Posted July 18, 2025

Previous All Top Ten Lists

This image of "people viewing a shiny penny exhibit in a museum" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.

Commentary

What's a president to do when the thorny issue he wants to disappear just won't go away? He creates a diversion, of course!

Sure, he could bomb Russia or invade Greenland, but a less drastic course of action might successfully distract his MAGA base from the Epstein files, at least temporarily. A few of these satirical items are based on reality, while others are totally made up.

Trump has recently suggested reinstating cane sugar into the Coke formula in the U.S., so we did a riff on that for item 9. At a recent energy summit in Pittsburgh, Trump spoke about his deceased uncle Dr. John Trump (who died in 1985), an M.I.T. professor. Trump claimed his uncle once told him that Unabomber Ted Kaczynski was in his uncle's class (item 8). However, the story must be mistaken, since Kaczynski didn't attend M.I.T. and wasn't revealed as the Unabomber until over 10 years after Dr. Trump died.

We also know Trump would loooove to fire Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell (item 10), and it's also plausible that Trump might enjoy seeing Powell perp-walked in his underwear. Isn't it ironic that Powell was appointed by Trump himself in 2017? Ha! Of course, that won't stop Trump from falsely claiming Biden appointed Powell.

In items 7 and 2 we spoofed the fact that narcissist Trump might not mind embarrassing others as long as it served his diversionary purposes. Item 1 would require intervention from artificial intelligence, but we wouldn't put it beyond Trump to release fabricated footage in order to make his enemies look bad, as he did previously with the doctored image of MS-13 knuckle tattoos.

We decided to keep the "look at the shiny penny" image from the previous top ten list since it still fits.

Welcome to klugness.com!

The U.S. website www.klugness.com was launched in October 2022 with over 100 funny top ten lists, and has since increased that number to over 200. The klugness site doesn't include jokes in the traditional sense, but is dedicated to humor using a David Letterman-style top ten list format. A portion of the content focuses on American politics, with the site generally leaning left, while the rest is garden-variety humor ala MAD magazine. We hope you enjoy the site!

This image of "an edgy older guy reading a serious book called 'How I Came to Be' " was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page. This image appears on List 241 - Top Ten Elon Musk vs. Donald Trump (Part 2).

This home page shows the most recent top ten list. Please check out the full archive of funny top ten lists on klugness.com at All Top Ten Lists. Note these lists were created up to six years ago, even though the klugness site itself is two years old (we'll be free years old on October 17). The archive page also includes a "List Sampler" table of 18 selected funny top ten lists that will give you a sense of our content without having to tackle all 200+ funny top ten lists. Beneath the "List Sampler" is information about the pictures we've been adding to the site since the beginning of 2023. The pictures are generated using a combination of artificial intelligence and traditional means.

Candy Red 2012 Honda Rebel motorcycle adorned with American flag bandana from the 2012 CT United Ride

Folks, we seem to have gotten the Imagining Things blog running again, as our web master's latest post is being released a (relatively) short two weeks after his prior post. That's a big improvement, as the prior post fermented (festered?) for well over a year before it saw the light of day. Our webmaster—who refers to himself as Klugmeister—hereby now tells the story of how he got his first motorcycle: a 2012 Honda Rebel CMX250C. The old dude has (allegedly) been itching to tell this story for a while, and he finally got off his duff, finished writing it up, and wrapped it in a bow. We've ceremoniously designated the post as The Birth of Klugmeister's Red Motorcycle. The post is part of a series of three installments, with the last two telling of the "Life" and "Death" of the li'l red bike. We expect to post both items by September. The authorities have been notified.

Getting back to the funny top ten lists, we offer a couple of targeted subsets that focus on particular themes. For example, the Trump-Themed Lists are critical of former President Trump, so you won't like them if you're a Trump aficionado.

Another theme is the clever May 2020 Now vs. Then series, which consists of 10 funny top ten lists that compare and contrast the initial coronavirus times to historical times in an amusing way (e.g., "stay at home" vs. "rock and roll all nite"). That early pandemic theme was created in 2000, but it feels sooo ancient! Based on viewership of these pages, it appears that most folks are loathe to revisit that challenging period, and we don't blame you!

Note that the themed lists are also included on the All Top Ten Lists archive (i.e., the themed lists are a subset of the full archive), so if you looked at the full archive, you won't find any new material on the themed lists. This handy bit of intell could free up more time for you to gaze at your phone, fire the commissioner of labor statistics, or walk around on the roof of the White House.

For general information about klugness.com (including frequently asked questions, privacy policy, how to pronounce "klugness," etc.), use the following link: About.

If over 200 top ten lists is too much to handle all at once, another alternative is to check out a few samples of recent top ten lists:

If you spot anything amiss with the klugness site (formatting, content, functionality, etc.) or have other feedback, please drop us a note at helloKitty. We appreciate your input.

Thanks for visiting klugness.com, and please check back periodically for new content!