| Num | Gilligan's Island | Donald's Island |
|---|---|---|
| 10.) | The Professor | Elon Musk |
| 9.) | Bamboo huts | Ballroom |
| 8.) | Wild animals | Reporters |
| 7.) | Mysterious objects that wash ashore | Gaudy knicknacks that adorn the Oval Office |
| 6.) | Quicksand | The Epstein files |
| 5.) | Plot twists that dash the castaways' hopes of getting off the island | War developments that dash Trump's hopes of getting out with a win |
| 4.) | Thurston Howell III | Donald J. Trump |
| 3.) | A totem pole with Gilligan's head on top | A golden statue of President Trump |
| 2.) | Quirky visitors to the island who leave without rescuing them | A distant, quirky dad who fails to attend my wedding because he's "busy at work"—hahahaha, we all brag about his work ethic even though it's obvious b.s.—oh well, I guess I'll just drown my sorrows in this huge mountain of crypto |
| 1.) | Gilligan | Kash Patel / Pete Hegseth (tie) |
Posted May 31, 2026
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