The website for funny top ten lists and other satire
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Quote of the Week
When you're curious, you find lots of interesting things to do
Walt Disney
Bible Verse of the Week
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day
II Peter 3:8 (NIV)
Whimsical Phrase of the Week
Smell bad, heal good
Pat Morita as Mr. Miyagi in "Karate Kid" (1984)
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Moonbeam Cantata
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October 2025 Anniversary Celebration
Our favorite website turns 3 years old on October 17, 2025. Hmm, has it really been three years since we launched the klugness (pronounced "kloog-ness") site? Why yes, Scarlet—it has.
We've decided to set aside the entire month of October 2025 to celebrate this anniversary achievement. As part of that celebration, we'll be making updates to this home page every day during the month of October. Please check us out daily during October to get a guided tour down memory lane.
What do we have planned, you ask? One example is that our webmaster has used his knowledge of PHP programming to set up a daily "slide show" of selected funny top ten lists from our first three years of existence. The grouchy dude programmed it all up front so that the "throwback list of the day" changes automatically each day during October 2025—even if the old fart takes a nap and forgets to update it! So bookmark our site and check back every day during October for the Throwback List of the Day. Thank you!!
In celebration of making it to this milestone, we've assembled the following summary of feedback we've received this year from our enthusiastic fan base. Thanks to everyone who submitted comments via our secure WeMadeThisUp app!
The top ten lists are cool, but the blog is even better! Hey, when is Dorkmeister gonna write some new content?
George P. Burdell
I wish MAD Magazine were still producing new content, but you guys aren't half bad.
Alfred E. Neuman
WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS ILLEGAL! YOU'D BE IN BIG TROUBLE IF ANYONE HAD EVER HEARD OF THIS SITE
DJT
Hot water burn baby! Hot water burn baby!
Raymond Babbitt
If I could remember the names of all these particles I'd be a botanist
Enrico Fermi
Don't listen to Enrico—he's still mad that the neutrino particle he postulated wasn't detected until after his death
Enrico Fermi's mom
Ya'll should visit Graceland! I'll leave some guest passes at the visitor center.
Elvis Presley
Son, I've never looked at the site but I'm glad you found something you enjoy. How about a slice of pound cake?
Grandma
Thanks for helping keep alive my 1970s use of the phrase "Correctamundo."
Fonzie
Thanks for your support and encouragement!
Top Ten Trumpian Rare Earth Elements—Part 2
Num
Element
Symbol
Uses
10.)
Yttrium
Y
Useful in radar, lasers, and superconductors; unfortunate side effect is that it renders the user unable to pronounce words like "acetaminophen" and "Thailand"
9.)
Crassium
Csi
Transforms roses into gravel
8.)
Eucranium
Uk
A radioactive substance that exposes a vulnerable ally to defeat by our biggest adversary; also, a board game played in Europe that includes activities like "Data Head" and "Creative Cat"
7.)
Dysprosium
Dy
Catalyst that facilitates the uncontrolled growth of ballroom; also useful in lamps, magnets, and nuclear power
6.)
Epsteinium
Ep
A toxic substance that very powerfully resists efforts to contain it
5.)
Lanthanum
La
A key ingredient in bluster and fabrication; also, catalysts for oil refining and glass production
4.)
NFTium
Nf
Grants the user a variety of amazing super powers that are perfectly suited for cartoonish display on trading cards
3.)
Cerium
Ce
A catalyst that causes users not to notice that beef prices are up under the Trump administration; oh, and it's also used in catalytic converters
2.)
DEIum
DEI
A key ingredient in precision measuring equipment designed to identify the worst possible job applicant for any position
1.)
Promethium
Pm
Transforms an American president into a mighty Greek god who wields fire from his grand, ornate palace; also, nuclear batteries and luminous paints
The U.S. website www.klugness.com was launched in October 2022 with over 100 funny top ten lists, and has since increased that number to over 200. The klugness site doesn't include jokes in the traditional sense, but is dedicated to humor using a David Letterman-style top ten list format. A portion of the content focuses on American politics, with the site generally leaning left, while the rest is garden-variety humor ala MAD magazine. We hope you enjoy the site!
This image of "a teenage girl pointing a wand and saying 'Obliviate!' in a word bubble, and another teenager emerging from behind a rock and pointing their wand back and saying 'Parcheesi!' " was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page. This image appears on List 234 - Top Ten Harry Potter Spells OR Board Games—Part 1.
This home page shows the most recent top ten list. Please check out the full archive of funny top ten lists on klugness.com at All Top Ten Lists. Note these lists were created up to six years ago, even though the klugness site itself is two years old (we'll be free years old on October 17). The archive page also includes a "List Sampler" table of 18 selected funny top ten lists that will give you a sense of our content without having to tackle all 200+ funny top ten lists. Beneath the "List Sampler" is information about the pictures we've been adding to the site since the beginning of 2023. The pictures are generated using a combination of artificial intelligence and traditional means.
This image of "a doctor trying to resuscitate a red 250cc street motorcycle" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.
In the Imagining Things blog, we've posted the third (and final) installment in a series of three blog posts about our eccentric webmaster's first motorcycle. This third blog post covers The Death of Klugmeister's Red Motorcycle. In this post, our webmaster describes an attempted trip to Key West that didn't work out so well. As he mulled this story lately, Klugmeister has been getting nostalgic about his li'l red Honda Rebel 250—though that's not the bike in the accompanying image, which was generated by AI. In other heartwarming news, our webmaster is continuing to make an effort to post new material to the Imagining Things blog on a more consistent basis.
Getting back to the funny top ten lists, we offer a couple of targeted subsets that focus on particular themes. For example, the Trump-Themed Lists are critical of President Trump, so you won't like them if you're a Trump aficionado.
Another theme is the clever May 2020 Now vs. Then series, which consists of 10 funny top ten lists that compare and contrast the initial coronavirus times to historical times in an amusing way (e.g., "stay at home" vs. "rock and roll all nite"). That early pandemic theme was created in 2000, but it feels sooo ancient! Based on viewership of these pages, it appears that most folks are loathe to revisit that challenging period, and we don't blame you!
Note that the themed lists are also included on the All Top Ten Lists archive (i.e., the themed lists are a subset of the full archive), so if you looked at the full archive, you won't find any new material on the themed lists. This handy bit of intell could free up more time for you to gaze at your phone, ponder the government shutdown, or try to guess which one of Trump's enemies will be indicted next.
For general information about klugness.com (including frequently asked questions, privacy policy, how to pronounce "klugness," etc.), use the following link: About.
If over 200 top ten lists is too much to handle all at once, another alternative is to check out a few samples of recent top ten lists:
If you spot anything amiss with the klugness site (formatting, content, functionality, etc.) or have other feedback, please drop us a note at helloKitty. We appreciate your input.
Thanks for visiting klugness.com, and please check back periodically for new content!
Throwback List of the Day
About the Throwback
As part of our celebration of the third anniversary of the launch of the klugness website (October 17, 2025), we are highlighting selected funny top ten lists from among the 200+ lists that we've published to date.
Each day during October we will display a different top ten list as the Throwback List of the Day. (The list changes at midnight New York time.) We believe these lists are representative of the breadth of our work and are better than our average list, but your mileage may vary.
Note that some of the lists were written prior to the date the site was launched (i.e., prior to October 17, 2022, and as far back as 2019). We've generally included content from throughout our history. If you feel we've excluded a list that you think is particularly good, please drop us a note so that we can take into account your feedback when we develop next year's anniversary celebration lists.
Please celebrate with us by visiting this home page each day during October to view the Throwback List of the Day.
Today's Throwback List: List 156 Date Written: 05/17/2023
Top Ten Trump vs. Elvis
Num
Trump
Elvis
10.)
I am your retribution
Love me tender
9.)
If you go after me, I'm coming after you
Baby, let me be your loving teddy bear
8.)
If I happen to be president and I see somebody doing well and beating me badly, I say go down and indict them
Everybody in the whole cell block was dancing to the jailhouse rock
7.)
She's a whack job
I'm all shook up
6.)
I don't know E Jean Carroll, I never met her or touched her
Return to sender, address unknown. No such number, no such zone
5.)
We're a nation in decline
I'm gonna sit right down and cry over you
4.)
Before I even arrive at the Oval Office, I will have the disastrous war between Russia and Ukraine settled
It's now or never, my love won't wait
3.)
The banks all got their money. They're as happy as can be
We can't go on together with suspicious minds
2.)
They're poisoning the blood of our country
You ain't nothing but a hound dog
1.)
If you don't like your kids that much or if you don't like them at all, which happens on occasion, don't leave them a thing
And his mama cries
This image of "a hound dog and a teddy bear" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.
Throwback lists have been selected for special treatment based on subjective considerations, including wingspan, hair color, and shoe size. Viewers may form their own opinions on whether the selected lists are of higher quality than the lists that were not selected for special treatment. In particular, viewers may adopt alternative points of view such as: (1) they all suck, (2) who cares?, and (3) meh. Selected lists do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this network, Elon Musk, or your mama. Blah blah blah express written permission yada yada yada professional driver on closed course lorem ipsum dolor investments may lose value. Note that the throwback list shown above is an excerpt that does not include the "Commentary" box—to view the entire original page, use the pressable links in the table below. In particular, Lists 26, 31, and 34 (slated for highlighting) make more sense with the context from the commentary box.
