| Num | Element | Symbol | Uses |
|---|---|---|---|
| 10.) | Yttrium | Y | Useful in radar, lasers, and superconductors; unfortunate side effect is that it renders the user unable to pronounce words like "acetaminophen" and "Thailand" |
| 9.) | Crassium | Csi | Transforms roses into gravel |
| 8.) | Eucranium | Uk | A radioactive substance that exposes a vulnerable ally to defeat by our biggest adversary; also, a board game played in Europe that includes activities like "Data Head" and "Creative Cat" |
| 7.) | Dysprosium | Dy | Catalyst that facilitates the uncontrolled growth of ballroom; also useful in lamps, magnets, and nuclear power |
| 6.) | Epsteinium | Ep | A toxic substance that very powerfully resists efforts to contain it |
| 5.) | Lanthanum | La | A key ingredient in bluster and fabrication; also, catalysts for oil refining and glass production |
| 4.) | NFTium | Nf | Grants the user a variety of amazing super powers that are perfectly suited for cartoonish display on trading cards |
| 3.) | Cerium | Ce | A catalyst that causes users not to notice that beef prices are up under the Trump administration; oh, and it's also used in catalytic converters |
| 2.) | DEIum | DEI | A key ingredient in precision measuring equipment designed to identify the worst possible job applicant for any position |
| 1.) | Promethium | Pm | Transforms an American president into a mighty Greek god who wields fire from his grand, ornate palace; also, nuclear batteries and luminous paints |
Posted October 28, 2025
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