Top Ten Trumpian Rare Earth Elements

Top Ten Trumpian Rare Earth Elements—Part 1
Num	Element	Symbol	Uses
10.)	Exponentium	Xp	Increases crowd size by a factor of 2
9.)	Praseodymium	Pr	Induces your direct reports to sycophantically sing your praises
8.)	Rustium	Ru	A powerful orange pigment
7.)	Neodymium	Nd	Induces permanent magnets to attract military personnel to blue cities
6.)	Caucasium	Cc	Systematically removes any Hispanic references from place names
5.)	Obamium	Ob	Exerts a strong electromagnetic force field that deflects all responsibility onto your predecessor
4.)	Elevatium	Ev	Miraculous element that overcomes the forces of DEI to elevate job candidates solely based on whether they've been on TV
3.)	Muskoleum	Mk	Catalyst that triggers jock itch and irritates other famous billionaires
2.)	Nobellium	Nb	Gives low IQ people the ability to negotiate terrific deals
1.)	Gaudium	Gd	Catalyst that transforms ornate plastic decorations into beautiful, beautiful gold

Posted October 21, 2025

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Commentary

We decided to have some fun with rare earth elements by inventing fake uses for a new brand of Trump-themed rare earth elements that we recently pulled out of our butts. Our strategy is twofold: (1) We figure the average person is about as familiar with details about rare earth elements as he or she is with the WNBA, making it challenging to tell whether they're all made up, and (2) We just loooove to mock Donald Trump.

While we're no experts in this field, we understand that rare earth elements aren't necessarily rare—they're just difficult to mine. They've been in the news lately as President Trump has been trying to improve the U.S.'s profile in a field that's heavily dominated by China.

Two of the names shown here are actual rare earth elements (items 9 and 7). We used the element in item 9 because the actual name had synergy with the joke we were trying to make. To some extent we spoofed a few of the actual uses of rare earth elements (e.g., permanent magnets, pigment, catalysts, glass, alloying) but all of the uses shown are made up with the goal of mocking President Trump. Yeah, you'd think we had better things to do, right?

Hmm, if no new ideas pop out of the idea machine, we may try to expand this topic into a two list series. Notify the authorities!

image of a leader at a conference table with his direct reports flattering him with statements like 'Thanks to your leadership' and 'The sun is shining like never before'

This image of "a leader at a conference table with his direct reports flattering him with statements like 'Thanks to your leadership' and 'The sun is shining like never before' " was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.

Top Ten Trumpian Rare Earth Elements—Part 1