Commentary
We began brainstorming this topic almost a month ago (around the same time as the August 15, 2025 summit with Putin in Alaska) but it took a while for the ideas to percolate. We found that several of the satirical items we contemplated—such as trading Alaska to Putin in return for letting Trump sit at the cool kid's table during lunch—were more sad than funny.
So...we attempted to increase the humor quotient by mixing in some plot elements from an old episode of The Office—implicitly assuming, of course, that all of our readers have seen the comedy program, which last aired over 12 years ago—lol. The particular episode (The Negotiation, Season 3, Episode 19) is best known as the episode where Roy tries to attack Jim, who is then rescued from danger when Dwight suddenly douses Roy with pepper spray.
As it happens, that episode also includes a plot arc where Darryl Philbin from the warehouse asks Scranton office manager Michael Scott for a raise. In response, Michael makes use of questionable negotiation tactics that he supposedly got from wikipedia to get the upper hand in the negotiations with Darryl.
So...we decided to spoof the lame-o strategies by listing out a few samples as if they were actual Donald Trump negotiation strategies (see items 10, 8, 6, and 4). Sure, maybe we didn't come up with these ideas ourselves, but it did require some creativity to dream up the nutty idea to mix them in amongst satirical Trump strategies. Thus, in true Donald Trump style, we assign ourselves an A+ for our work. Besides, in the end, the borrowed ideas are all rendered ok if you chuckled when you read those items.
Well...did you?
Other items in the top ten list appeal to Trump's "Putin fanboy" status (item 9), an old "Happy Days" reference (item 7), a riff on a current news item (item 5), and a made-up explanation of the bruise on Trump's hand (item 3). Items 2 and 1 are supposed to be funny but are really more sad than funny.
