Top Ten Provisions of Trump's Iran Deal

Ships containing algae treatments to be given highest priority for passage in the Strait of Hormuz
A $300 billion fund to rebuild Iran to be created under these conditions:

Not really sure who will provide funding for it, but must not be the U.S.
Assets to consist solely of Trump UFC gold medallions based on standard retail value of $12,000 each
Mexico is going to pay for it

Both parties agree to ensure the territorial integrity of Mar-a-Lago
Iran's Supreme Leader to be upgraded to Zone 4 when flying to the U.S.
Iran must never have a nuclear weapon OR a Barack Obama bobblehead
U.S. to pay Iran a $1 billion "breakup fee" if the deal falls through within 60 days; Iran to pay the U.S. a 1 billion toman "breakup fee" if the deal falls through within 60 days
The Persian Gulf to be renamed the Trump Gulf
Trump is not to threaten any more imminent attacks on Iran unless he gets really mad
Iran to reopen the Strait of Hormuz without tolls in return for all the gold in Fort Knox and Trump's left testicle
Tiffany and Ivanka Trump to spread rose petals in the Supreme Leader's path whenever he goes out for a stroll

Posted June 21, 2026

Commentary

This funny top ten list makes light of the apparent lack of strength underlying Trump's Iran deal. Each item is a wacky made-up provision that may or may not resemble actual components of the leaked deal memorandum. Note we're focusing more on humor than realism, as reality can be kind of sad.

Oh yeah—the deal. Honestly, the idea that Trump made this deal with a straight face after raking Obama over the coals for his Iran deal is priceless. Isn't it hilarous that the talking heads on Fox News refer to Trump as a "master negotiator?" Ha!

The creative team here at klugness.com has tried to make these jokes light and airy by including references to algae, airplane boarding zones, bobbleheads, and testicles. We avoided mentioning serious matters such as ceasefires, 60 day windows, and ending naval blockades. You're welcome.

Some of the items are riffs on the underlying weakness of Trump's negotiating position (e.g. items 9, 2, and 1). Others have a theme of grift, narcissism, and self-dealing (items 8 and 4). Item 5 is a riff on the vast difference in value between the U.S. dollar and the Iranian toman.

Item 9 is a riff on vague and internally inconsistent talking points that sound like they were ad-libbed guidelines given by Trump to his negotiators; we're particularly happy with the bonus, snide, throwback reference to the ridiculous 2016 campaign promise that helped Trump get elected to his first term. Item 10 is a spoof of the algae and other issues that have plagued Trump's reflecting pool renovation project at the Lincoln Memorial.

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This image of "a ship containing algae treatments passing through a strait" was created by Klugmeister using artificial intelligence software. The image was reviewed by Klugmeister before posting on this web page.